Recently I’ve been asked a lot of questions about The Pearl.
Here are my answers.
HOW EASY IS IT TO ADOPT?
(How easy is it to get pregnant?)
The Pearls adoption has been as smooth as an adoption can possibly be.
DID YOU KNOW THE BIRTH MOM?
We do now.
IS THIS AN OPEN ADOPTION?
Yes. The birth mom is more than welcome to connect with us thru our lawyer and set up future contacts. She has not done this yet.
WHERE YOU LOOKING TO ADOPT?
Yes. With both my full term pregnancies I developed cholestasis of pregnancy. Not wanting to experience that again, three years ago, we began the paper work to adopt.
THIS IS EASIER THAN HAVING ONE, ISN’T IT?
A.) Do not underestimate the power of cholestasis of pregnancy.
B.) Adoption involves emotions I never experienced with my own labor and delivery so it is a little hard to compare.
C.) That first week when you come home from the hospital after delivering a baby you’re completely exhausted.
I felt that same exhaustion when we brought her home. I look at those pictures of her first few hours here and realize what a state of bewilderment I was in. Very similar to my other babies: minus the ouch in the toosh, and add in a ginormous dose of shock and confusion.
D.) I spent three years - instead of nine months - praying every night (and pleading with tears on nights Mr. Right worked) for an adoption to happen or for us to move onto other things. So, physically – not as hard. Emotionally – requires more endurance, patience and faith.
ISN’T IT EASIER THIS TIME BECAUSE YOU HAVE OLDER KIDS?
Huh? The only thing that has made it easier is my perspective.
WHAT IS BONDING LIKE?
When I was pregnant I began bonding with the idea of the baby right away. Mr. Right, too, began bonding with the idea of protecting and providing for me and his baby. For nine months. When the babies were born we began bonding to them through our service.
With adoption it’s a little bit backwards. Bonding is happening but in a different order.
One other thing about the bonding – with pregnancy I choose to get pregnant but that was as far as my choice needed to take me. With adoption we put ourselves in a position where we had to choose every step of this path. Now that we have her we feel we really earned her. That adds a new dimension to the bonding process that wasn’t there with my other babies until time had passed.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE SHE BELONGS TO YOU?
Mostly. But the papers aren’t signed yet.
ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT SHE MIGHT BE LIKE WHEN SHE GROWS UP SINCE YOU DON’T KNOW HER BACKGROUND?
Yes.
We’re also worried what the other three might be like because we do know their background.
DO YOU WORRY SHE WON’T FEEL LIKE SHE’S PARTY OF THE FAMILY AS SHE GROWS UP?
If she does it won’t be because of how we raised her.
A friend recently said to me, “Even if she does feel that way, then that’s the issue she has. And if it isn’t going to be that issue, there will be some other issue…there always is.”
HOW ARE YOUR OTHER KIDS WITH HER?
Twelve hours before we went to the hospital to pick her up, Mr. Right broke the news to the older kids. He told them what was going down and by his next breath the bugs considered her part of the team.
They adoooooore her.
ARE YOU GOING TO TRY TO NURSE HER?
No.
No.
No.
YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT AS TIRED BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE TO NURSE RIGHT?
I do prefer the bottle, I didn’t ever like nursing but I’m still just as tired. Ask friends who see me around 7pm. Ask my social life. Ask Mr. Right.
Bottle Pros:
- you can add rice if your preemies swallowing muscles are still not developed
- you can easily let other people watch your baby
- you don’t leak
- you’re husband feeds the baby sometimes
Bottle Cons:
- your husband feeds at random intervals when the baby gets fussy
- you can’t shush a crying baby with your boob just for convenience, like when they’re cranky or you’re too tired to get out of bed
- the extra calories you eat because you’re tired aren’t getting burned
SO TELL ME THE WHOLE STORY – HOW DID IT HAPPEN?
I’ll tell you, but that’s a whole separate post.
WILL YOU ADOPT AGAIN?
Is that an option?