Every year Mr. Right asks me,
“What do you want for Christmas?”
And every year I tell him my deepest desires.
Then he scoffs and says, “Lame.”
Lame?!?!
Let’s examine the evidence. In the past I’ve requested:
An electric pencil sharpener.
New ring tones for my cell phone.
Under-kitchen cabinet lighting.
A salad spinner.
Square white mugs.
A date to the Almond Roca factory specifically with the purpose of buying the rejects.
For five pathetic years in a row I asked for a Salt Lake City Temple calendar. (Please sit back down, the only calendar I use now is on the Touch.)
One time I received a plain black umbrella which I never actually asked for. (I own three uberly-cute umbrellas already.)
Lame.
So this year I’m not going to ask Mr. Right for anything except the carpet cleaner which he already stamped with disapproval and now I’m doubting myself.
I’m going straight to the source of granted wishes.
My mother.
Dear Squishy,
This year I want oven squares…or mitts. It’s up to you.
This is not lame.
The last time I bought oven squares was when I moved to Wisconsin. TEN YEARS AGO.
I want new ones please. I want them to be very cute.
You’ll probably have to make them yourself, so here are some instructions.
Lots of love,
Me
P.S. Orange and yellow are very “in” right now. And my kitchen is turquoise.