I am such a loving mother that I offered The Pixie a snack of cold cereal and half a banana.
She received this display of love with shrieking and screaming. No, no not because of the offensive orange bowl which was my suspect, but because of the repulsive half a banana.
Being firmly told that there would be no cereal eaten until she ate the banana on the plate didn't seem to help.
Being ignored by me while I cleaned the kitchen didn't help either.
Nor, I'm sorry to say, did me taking pictures of her.
Finally I stood squarely in front of her red, tear soaked face and in direct line of the shrieking blast being emitted from her wide mouth and said, "Pixie!" I spoke clearly incase her siren wails might interfere with her reception of my message, "You may have the cold cereal when you eat the banana on your plate."
For emphasis I pointed to the banana on her plate.
Which was actually not on her plate at all.
So I looked at her and my mind was blank as was my face I'm sure.
I know I put that banana on her plate. I know it. I felt it in my calcium enriched bones.
Surely she couldn't eat half a banana and continue to emit a continuous string of toddler profanity?
You are right. Surely she couldn't.
Let's think about that.
So why was she still shrieking? And why, pray tell, would she not meet my blank stare?
Oooohhh.
Which makes more sense looking back. I had correctly interpreted the first five minutes of shrieking as abomination. But the latter five minutes were actually wails of remorse.
Which considering her violent action and impending doom was quite appropriate.
Her eyes refused to give the banana away but I'm pretty clever and found it out by standing near her and applying the trajectory. Which would have made such a more applicable story problem in my math books then that one with something about a tree falling near a house.
See? There it be. Exactly where she threw it.
And yes, once I located the location of the banana and sliced it to her approval, it was eaten by a sniffling Pixie.
Who, five minutes later had sufficiently recovered to giggle and wiggle as she crunched on her cereal.
